


Tick Marks, Tally Sheets, and Zombie Monkey Overlords

by eeyore9990



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: Gen, amused!Penny, drunk!Sheldon, spoilers for episode 123
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-12
Updated: 2012-11-12
Packaged: 2017-11-18 11:49:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/560752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eeyore9990/pseuds/eeyore9990
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An extended look at THAT scene from episode 123: The Habitation Configuration, from Penny's POV.  </p>
<p>See inside notes for a delicious little cross over bunny that is free to a good home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tick Marks, Tally Sheets, and Zombie Monkey Overlords

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kathrynthegreat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathrynthegreat/gifts).



> This was written in word-vomit format for kathrynthegreat. Because she is all that is awesome and finished her nursing school homework. I'm going to let her stick me with a needle one day. And it won't even have to be in a kinky way.

_For a genius, he really is a dumb-ass_ , Penny thought with a smirk as she plopped an umbrella in the Long Island Iced Tea she'd just made Sheldon and slid it across the counter toward him. As he picked up the glass, she added an imaginary tick mark to her running tally of the number of times she'd thought that in the years she'd known the giant dumb-ass genius.

And then quickly added another when he took a long sip and smiled with delight. She didn't really catch exactly what he said, just stood there and blinked as he drained the glass in under three seconds and demanded another. 

Penny's mental tally sheet overflowed and tick marks began leaking out her ears, but who was she to deny a customer a drink? Unable to stop a wicked grin from forming, she busily mixed another "tea" for Sheldon and then stood back and watched as he knocked that one back as well.

_For such a tight-ass, the boy can put away some liquor!_ Huh. That was a totally new thought... Penny considered a new tally sheet, but decided it was way too much effort and really, it wasn't like she was really going to get away with this for more than one night. As soon as Leonard found out she'd broken Sheldon, she'd either spend the rest of her life fending off lectures from him or fending off his extravagant thank-you gifts. 

Penny decided she was totally asking for the cute blue Jimmy Choos she'd seen while window shopping online if Leonard agreed that a broken Sheldon was a good thing. 

She was jolted out of her daydreams of deliciously naughty stilettos when Sheldon smacked the bar and half-yelled, "Barkeep! Gimme my tea!"

Saluting with an unused umbrella, Penny rolled the tiny rubberband off it, fluffed it open, and plopped it in the drink she'd been mixing before placing it on the bar in front of him. "Sir, yes sir."

"Really, Penny, for such an average individual, you really do make the besht tea. Besht. B-es-tuh. What on _earth_ ish wrong with my diction tonight?" 

Penny rolled her lips between her teeth to smother a giggle--and the never-ending annoyance at hearing once again how very average he found her--when Sheldon gripped his tongue between his thumb and finger and tried to pull it out of his mouth while simultaneously straining his eyes downward. She really couldn't be blamed for shooting the rubber band at him. 

Really. _No one_ would blame her. She had an in with Enrique, the guy who was in charge of reviewing The Cheesecake Factory's security tapes.

Penny planted her elbow on the bar and dropped her chin into her hand, watching Sheldon with the same fascination she felt when watching puppies discover their tails for the first time. Pursing her lips, she considered and discarded a new addition to the cheezburger meme sites. ICanHazSheldon just didn't have the same ring to it. Plus, it took about five years of living with the baffling, annoying man to really feel the same level of humor she...

Holy shit. She was missing a golden opportunity here. 

Sliding her phone out of her apron, Penny glanced around for her manager and then gleefully hit record. The universe, for once deciding to shine its glory upon her, chose that moment to give her the best gift of her life.

"Come on, Penny," Sheldon said, wobbling on his barstool. He was facing her, but sort of looking at her ear, and as she watched--and recorded--he brought up both hands, clasped her face between them, and said, "Stand still for a minnit. And be... one of you. M'kay? Now. We have a quesht. A very... queshty quesht. We're gunna go defend my girlfriend's honor." Blinking, Sheldon dropped his hands from Penny's face. "Her honor? Does Amy _have_ honor? I mean... she's a biologisht. And there's..." He waved his hands around, knocking into the little bowl with all her carefully prepped lemon wedges. "Moneys. And brains. Monkey brains." Sheldon gasped so hard he spent the next ten seconds choking on air. "Penny! Do you think Amy's making an army of zombie monkeys?"

Penny burst into laughter, then, at his slightly wobbly but still quelling look, straightened up and pretended to give his question some thought. "You know, it wouldn't surprise me. But then again, I've always assumed you're doing naughty things with strings too, so. Meh. If Amy's going to be our zombie overlord, at least she's the devil we know, right?"

Sheldon considered her argument for much longer than Penny thought was really necessary, then nodded solemnly and said, "Right. Let's go beat up Wil Wheaton." 

Stumbling from his barstool, Sheldon held up one fist, threw his head back and, scaring the crap out of the other patrons enjoying their overpriced meals, shouted, "WHEATON!"

Plucking Sheldon's half-empty drink from the bar, Penny sucked down the slightly-watery remainder, put up a fist of solidarity and said, "Go get 'em, tiger." 

(Epilogue: Penny got an adorable pair of pink Manolo Blahnik's from Amy, the blue Choos from Leonard, a fun little retro jacket from Howard and Bernadette (and really, there should have been TWO presents there, dammit), and a subscription to the wine of the month club from Raj. She also got her fifteen minutes of internet fame in the form of seven million YouTube hits.

And a jaw-droppingly offensive voicemail from Wil Wheaton's wife, who apparently did not appreciate vomit-covered bushes.

Penny saved that one for posterity.)

**Author's Note:**

> This bunny free to a good home: While doing all the pre-posting stuff for this, I was watching an OLD episode of BBT and heard Leonard admit that he plays the cello (holy shit, as I type this, he's PLAYING the cello, omg!!). If you're a fan of The Avengers, you know that Coulson was DATING a cellist. BOOM! My fandoms just collided. I need someone to write me some Coulson/Leonard right the fuck now.
> 
> "That was before I saw you holding that beautiful piece of wood between your legs." *spit take* Feel free to use that line as your prompt, whoever decides to write this for me. Credit to Chuck Lorre, Episode 5, The Hamburger Postulate, BBT.


End file.
